Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
please come you make the beer taste better
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
