the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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