I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
