I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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