Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
