just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the liver wants what the liver wants
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
