Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
