That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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