Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
