Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
