you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
