the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
