Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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