i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
