remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
