So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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