bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
