I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
