Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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