I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
