I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
