Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
