At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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