Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
