No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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