btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
