I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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