We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
