this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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