Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
