Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
