All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
