Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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