i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
