thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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