I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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