Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
