Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
