He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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