Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
