Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
