How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
