Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize