I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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