DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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