I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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