Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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