I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
