dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
