life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
