Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
