I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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