The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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