I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
