am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
