wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I forgot wine drunk hurts
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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