I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
