all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
