She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think my fart just growled at me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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