Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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