the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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