I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
