i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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