im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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