I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
