like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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