i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
where am i from again
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
