I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
