Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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