i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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