Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
