I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize