dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
