The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
