Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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