her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
