it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize